Archive for October, 2007

A Tale of Darna

BTW, I have a new blogspot…It’s my photoblog actually…so to view it just click here.

Wah…before we go any further [wah teri hatcher ba ito?] I would just like to tell a personal story happen to me just recently…or okay, just lately in our Speech Communication class.

You see, we were asked to prepare a two minute long talk and deliver it in front of the class as our last graded oral recitation for the midterms [at dahil mabait akong bata, nag Tribal Wars lang ako…at nagfriendster nang ang Friendster ‘til the end], and OH SHIT! Na first blood ako!

Well, there’s nothing wrong naman being the first one to stand in front and speak in English for 2 minutes but the mere fact you aren’t given the chance to review and prepare just make me feel so FUCKINGLY SAD…[oppsss…read that again with feelings…FUCKINGLY SAD!]…hahahaha…that was the longest 2 minutes of my life and yet the shortest! Nabitin ako! Nakakaasar kasi, since it came in an instant, thoughts were all mixed up and the moment I knew it, wala na, ubos na yung time for me…although naging masaya naman ako with the outcome….

McRey: Oh shet! That was a disaster!

Galagate: Tangik, okay yun! Maganda nga eh! Okay, parang nagkekwento ka lang…

McRey: Tang ina talaga, na first blood pa ako…

Hay…sana makakuha ako naman ako ng 3.5 to 4.0 [western grading system] no! I am a failure kasi with written exam…Ha! Mighty gad in heben!

Ai isa pa, tama bang tadtarin ng ATAY ang ULAM KONG AMPALAYA? SHET ANG PAIT NA NGA PINAPAIT PA! AND WELCOME nga pala sa ANAK ni ATE GING na nagngangalang, CHELSY ANN…WELCOME to the FAMILY!

Here’s the Tale itself… [ang galing no, parang group discussion lang, kailangan talaga ng side comment eh! Nyahaha]

Wansapanateym in a far away land…there live a beri beautiful heroine known as DARNA…she is so beautiful and kind that people admire her and at the same time hate her for being so BRIGHT and yet so SLOW….don’t ask me why it is like that…basta yun na yun!

Wan day, Valentina, her nemesis, attacked the city of Quezon City together with her ewwyyy alagad…the snakes….FUCK I hate snakes sorry for this but I JUST HATE SNAKES!

DARNA: Valentina, itigil mo na ang iyong kalupitan!

Valentina: Shet…you siyat ap okay! Im none true yet witchu! Ay heyt yu n ay shall distroy yu!

DARNA: Kahit kalian, hindi mag-wi-win ang mga masasama!

Valentina: FAK! Yu ar so tatsi! Tenk yu…sow as a reward, MGA AHAS SUGURIN SI DARNA AT PATAYIN SHA! SSSSHIIIII, SHHHIIII, SHIIII, SHIIIII!!!

DARNA: [nagtatatalon] Tama na Valentina! NAIIHI NA AKO!

And DARNA was defeated…and Valentina lived happily ever after!

-the end-

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Arajaya Awards 2007 goes to:

The following people are given this award for the excellent showcase of hilariously hilarious ideas that reflect the nowadays human society.

1. Engz
2. Kuya Reyn
3. KC
4. Nurse Ruff
5. Tina
6. Turismoboi

Hope that the following awardees continue to write inspirational, witty, hilarious, and superb entries for the blogging community.

Congratulations!

Note: Copy the picture and post it to your blog as an entry.

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A Tale of Arajaya

If you’ve already read “The Legend of Arajaya’s Panty” you wouldn’t have to wonder why she’d ended up with such a fairytale-like sequel…

One night in Arajaya’s life, she prepared dinner to apologize with her boyfriend, Almond; about what happen the last time she brought him to her room. You know, the stingy and baconized panty of her that vexed her boy friend.

She prepared the chicken, the beef, the pork, the veggie, and all the most mouth-watering recipes that she knows. When she was setting the table, she thought of a great idea…yes, a CANDLELIGHT DINNER.

After that, she called Almond and asked him to go to her place. “Please Almond, I am asking this to say sorry…”

At around 10 ‘o clock, Almond arrived at her house but noticed that the lights were off. He pressed the door bell… “Ding dong” the bell rang, “Yoo hoo! I’m here!”

“Come in and go here at the kitchen!” Arajaya shouted.

Almond came in, went to the kitchen and saw Arajaya’s artistic kaartehan with the table and all the stuffs all over the room. The candles were set and the entire place was covered with rose petals. Arajaya smiled but something’s wrong with Ken’s face… Then he said, “Was there a black-out?”

-the end-

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The Legend of Flat Iron

a.k.a. The Legend of Sarah’s shirt: A Sequel to The Legend of Eggplant

Because of the incident happened to Arajaya the night she felt horniness, she was confronted to make a restitution for the help that Sarah offered just to take the rotten Eggplant off her pussy.

Sarah gave all the house chores to her; let her wash her clothes, and in a worse sense, let her wash her clothes then have it flat ironed.

One day, Sarah decided to go to Glorietta 2 to buy new dress for her friend’s birthday.

“Hey Arajaya, ken you plis plantsa my dress, kasi im go to Glorietta 2 to bay anader dress…” Sarah said, “Diba you hub utang pa naman to mi bekos I helping you awt to teyk da bulok talong out of your pepe?”

“But, this is too much! My hands are already tired and weak! I can’t do it anymore! Please…you can’t control my life. I also have mine!” Arajaya pleaded.

“Tang ina mong malibog na babae ka! Apter ay helping you dis is you bayad-bayad utang to me!” She answered back angrily, “Ayus ka ah! How there you naman!”

“Please…end your suppression now…else, I think I am going to die! Heavenly Lord, let her mind be enlighten by your heavenly power. Let me escape from her oppressive hands!”

“Hoy, wag ka ikaw mag-inats der! Wat du you think you? A madder superyora? My Gad! Arajaya, baka you want me pa to tel other abawt your lababol talong?”

“No don’t! I promise I won’t do it again! Just don’t tell it to others! I am begging you with all humility left in me…please, I can even flat-iron your dress at its best! Just don’t tell it to others!”
“Good!” Sarah replied, “I wil go bak leyter to si it!”

Arajaya flat-ironed the dress while her mind is flying…she rubbed the fine silk using the hot metallic flat causing the silk to be smoother than it was before. When Sarah went back, she was so impressed on how Arajaya worked things out. She wore it quickly and left the house in a whip wham of time.

Sarah strolled at Glorietta 2…she was so happy on how Arajaya made her dress look fabulous. People are looking at her and she feel like a star…but when she reached STARBUCKS, [oy dapat bayaran ako ng STARBUCKS for the advertisement] a gorgeous looking man approached her. Sarah’s jaw dropped when she saw the stunning looks of the man. When their eyes and body meet, the man whispered to her left ear, “Miss butas ang pwet mo!”

“Gaga, yan ang bagong pasyon isteytment!” Sarah said regaining her composure, “Shet, haw there you naman nat two know eat!”

-the end-

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The Legend of Loving You

Base mula sa dyok ni Mr. Alejandro “Don Don” Nueva

Wansapanateym at Arajaya’s house, she was inside the bathroom and was ready to take her weekly shower. She faced the mirror, applied oil on her face and other skin, and then complimented her beauty.

After the application of the creamy liquid, she moved toward the tub…lifted her left foot first and tapped it inside the ceramic container followed by the other foot.

Hearing the trickling water flowing down her naked body, Arajaya sang her “peyborit sing” titled, Loving You.

“Loving you, its easy coz’ your beautiful…”
She sang it, “Lalalala” – “lalalalala” – “Lalalalala” – “Lalalalalala” , while feeling the softness of her skin. But when she reached her chest, her tone progressed into a more passionate pitch…her hands on her nipples… “Dinudodo-dodo” then crawled downward to the lower extremity, “Ahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa”

-the end-

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Coatable Coats from Arajaya

“My skin’s so delicate that only few people are given the chance to touch it. [pause] Only ADOBE Photoshop touches my skin, who touches yours?”

- Arajaya once answered when a friend gave her a compliment.

“I may be everything but I am not a slut. I can’t blame myself if I was born a Vamp.”

- Arajaya’s response when Sarah called her a slut. This one also goes like this: I maybe a bitch but I am not a slut!


“When it rains, i will play my [cat] pussy…”

-Arajaya’s anwer to the question, What will you do when it rains?

“I am close to being mad but sorry, you’re not the right person who can make me like one. Sorry for thw words but, you’re not even a piece of shit!”

- Arajaya reaction when Sarah agitated her.

“If you have Sarah in your life, I don’t think you’ll ever need an enemy.”

-Answer to, Who is your rival?

“I cannot be dumb if deep within me I’m real”

- Arajaya told Sarah when when typecast her as DUMB.

“I am not willing to change myself into someone who I am not in order to please you!”

- Arajaya’s response when someone asked her if she’s willing to change herself.

“Love me. Hate me. What makes you think I care?”

- Arajaya’s reply when Almond told her he hated her.

“I am a champion. I just don’t know I am.”

- Arajaya highlighted on an interview after winning the debate against Sarah.

“I don’t need your attitude. I already have mine!”

- Arajaya explained when someone told her she has an attitude problem.

“You may be smarter. But I am great!”

- To Sarah, in a Debate competition.

“Do I need to answer a question which you already know the answer?”

- To Almond when he asked her if she loves him.

“Loving the right person in the wrong time is hard but loving the wrong person in the right time is far harder… : (“

- To herself after her break-up with Almond.

“You do it not once but twice, but you did it again! Do you think you can intimidate me?”

- To Sarah after she slapped her with the [Alamang] Bagoong.

“You don’t have a heart, you don’t know how to love, you only know how to hurt! : (“

- To Sarah after each oppression she’s giving her.

“I will tell you my secrets but I would have to kill you!”

- Arajaya’s response after asked her secret to beautiful skin.

“Pangit ka na nga, pangit pa ugali mo, wala nang natira sa iyo.”

-Arajaya to Sarah, confrontation nila. Face-to-face.

“Call me a bitch again and I’ll pee on your leg.”

- Nabasa ni Arajaya sa T-shirt.

“I will not let anyone monopolize me for I have given the power to rule myself.”

- Philosophy in Life ni Arajaya.

“I cannot fix you if you are idiotically stacked to your perception.”

- To a friend asking for an advise.

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The Legend of Eggplant part 2

This is the continuation of The Legend of Eggplant…

So there was I, Arajaya was pleading to Sarah to help her remove the eggplant inside her fallopian tube. But Sarah is so hard to convince until our princess promised her to give everything. Sarah’s eyes twinkled. She ran across the living room, grabbed the vacuum cleaner, and slotted it between Arajaya’s legs.

“SHUUUUUU!!!” In a minute, Arajaya felt relieved.

The next morning, Arajaya decided to take a bath at the [Pasig] river near her house. When she reached the riverbank, she saw a police and seduced him by singing: “Pupunta ‘kong ilog, ikaw ay susunod.” And most probably, you already know what happened next.

The next next morning, Arajaya decided to take a bath again at the river hoping that she’ll meet the police again. And just like magic, the police appeared. She sang again: “Pupunta ‘kong ilog, ikaw ay susunod.” Then the police followed her and fucked her.

The third morning, she sang aher seducing nd arousing song again. “Pupunta ‘kong ilog, ikaw ay susunod…” and the policed followed her again but when they arrived at the riverbank, they saw Arajaya’s father.

That night, the police visted her at their house and he sang in a low toned voice, “Pupunta akong ilog, ikaw ay susunod…” but no response. He sang again, “Pupunta akong ilog, ikaw ay susunod…” a minute later, Arajaya finally sang back, “Walang ng ilog, ilog, KIKI ko’y sunog.”

-the end-

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The Legend of Eggplant

Wan lonely night of Arajaya’s life, she felt beri lonesome and hot. She was the only one left at the first floor and Sarah, her housemate, was already deeply asleep.

Arajaya really really really felt hot and horny, and her pussy – cat was itchy. “Ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, scratch yourself, don’t disturbed me because I’m trying to find a way to get rid of my horniness.” She said.

Then the shaved pussy – cat went to elsewhere as the cat’s master continued thinking. “That fucking faggot! I thought he will own me, but I was wrong. We was after my make-ups! Damn!”

Arajaya felt very problematic but when she took a glance at the kitchen, she saw an eggplant and thought of a great idea. She went to the kitchen and gets the talong and went back to the living room. Then, she slotted the talong between her legs and felt beri relieved with her horniness. However, in the middle of her moaning, she felt someone climbing down the stairs. Yes, it was Sarah.

When Sarah saw Arajaya squatting at the living room, she approached her to intrigue her. At the living room, “Anong ginagawa mo d’yan sa tangkay ng talong?” asked Sarah. “Wala lang, masama ba?” Arajaya replied back in a high tone.

“Letche ka! Bumili ka ng baybreytor mo! Kaderder ka!” she ridiculed, “If ay know, naiwan lang yung katawan ng talong sa loob. Hoy, ako bumili n’yan at bulok na yan!”

Yes you read it right; the talong was left inside Arajaya’s pussy.

Arajaya ended-up crying pleading to Sarah how to get the talong off inside of her.

-the end-

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A Tale of Wonder Woman

Wansapanataym in the dark street of Manggahan, Arajaya was walking along the narrow trail of the community to her house. The lights were out and the only thing that enabled her to see was the light of the streetlamp at the very end of the road.

Arajaya searched for her phone, dialed a number but there’s no signal. She started to get anxious. Her heart started to beat faster. When she reached the middle of her track, about ten steps from the streetlamp, strange footsteps made her worry more.

Arajaya ran as fast as she could, but even before she could reach the end, a man strangled her toward a dark place. She can barely produce sounds for the man was holding tightly to her neck.

“He – he – lp!” she shouted but no one heard it.

“Shut up bitch! No one can help you here!”

“Please don’t kill me!”

“I won’t like you; I am just going to get something precious to you.”

Oh no! My virginity is in danger. Arajaya thought.

At the dark corner, the man pushed her down. She can’t shout in the fear that the man might put an end to her life, or in a worse sense, put and end to her life and newly shaved pussy – cat.

“You crazy little bitches. Always wanted to have sex with gorgeous men! How about people like me? I also deserved to fuck!” the man dramatically explained while initiating to strip off his clothes. “Now, I will punish you!”

“No, no! Please don’t kill me, or my shaved pussy – cat! Please!” Arajaya pleaded, “And don’t take my virginity – I mean, don’t rape me I’m no longer virgin! I am only giving myself to a man I like!”

“Shut up!”

The man then quickly removed his pants but left the underwear, and then he removed his shirt. But when Arajaya saw him without pants and shirt, her jaws dropped.

The man was in Wonder woman suit. The brief wasn’t his brief after all, it’s a part of his Wonder woman costume.

“I am Wonder woman and I will steal all of your make-up!”

-The End-

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The Legend of ASWANG

Wansapanataym in the life of Arajaya, she was invited to attend a fiesta in a far flung frobinse. She was with her mean best friend – Sarah, Dyesi, Dyosh, and Yangbang. Actually, Yangbang was the one who invited them to their town’s fiesta that is why, the whole group agreed on the date.

One night at the middle of the celebration, Yangbang asked the group to just take a nap first instead of watching the GAY MUSCLE BUILDER CONTEST exhibition/stunt segment, after all, they will still hear if it is already the coronation part.

When they arrived at Yangbang’s house, Sarah noticed that the “nuno sa punso” grew bigger than the last time she saw it. “Hey’ luks awar pren nuno sa punsoy. It is begger than last timing ay sew it!” Sarah told her other friend, “Watch four as ha!”

Then, everybody had taken their places at the elevated bamboo floor, however, before they sleep, Arajaya warned them to cover their face or any [mouth, nose, and ears] holes they have on their head explaining that according to the old rumors, once the saliva of the aswang touched your face, the virus will crawl to any hole and will invade your brain – after that, you wouldn’t know that you are already one of them. There was silence – afterwards another complete silence because everybody was already sleeping. But little do they know that they are sleeping over the nuno sa punso. In the middle of the night, Arajaya began hearing weird noises like “Grrrr, hrrrrr, wooooooooo, arfgh, aw-aw-aw, huhu-hu” followed by “Gising, gising” and the like. So she opened her eyes and looked around the place only to find out that Sarah was snoring.

So she went to sleep again. But then again, after five minutes, she heard the eager sounds of “Gising, gising” again then followed by “Grrrr, arrrrr, warrrrrrrrr….haha-haha” and breathing sound. Arajaya removed her head cover and saw the mommy of Yangbang looking sharply to them with her hair standing up and saliva flowing down, as if very hungry.

Sarah was disturbed by Arajaya’s shout, so she also opened her head cover and saw the scary mom. Then she said: “Oh nay, anong ginagawa nyo jan?”

“Ay wala sige matulog na kayo jan” said the mother, “sayang ulam na naging stone pa! SHET!”

-the end-

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